Love is Blind
by KittiKat97
Summary: Ryan Terry became blind after a tragic incident 2 years ago. His best friend, Felix Kjellburg, decided to move from Sweden to go to the same high school as him. Alas, high school is never simple, is it? With drugs and trouble everywhere you turn, will the duo be able to get through it? What will happen to their relationship? A PewdieCry fanfiction, high school AU.
1. The Color of Nothing

**Ryan's P.O.V.**

It's been a long time… Since I was last able to see, that is. It's been almost 2 years. The anniversary of when I lost my sight in that attack is in 2 weeks. No more sunsets, no more sightseeing, no more Felix… Not being able to see Felix was the worst thing to lose out of everything. I missed his handsome face and gorgeous blue eyes. Then again, maybe it was for the best. After all, how could he ever love me? He was with Marzia for a long time, but they mutually broke up after losing feelings for each other. High school relationships never last. I knew that I wouldn't ever be good enough for him though; after all, he was straight and I was gay.

I was shaken out of my stupor by the sound of a Skype call. I put on my mask, and then answered it by hitting "control" and "a" simultaneously, using the ridges on the "j" and "f" keys as a guide. "Hello?" I asked.

"Hey, bro, what's up?" the voice said. It was Felix, or as he was better known, Pewdiepie. My heart fluttered as I heard his voice.

"Nothing much, friend; what about you?" I asked. Excitement tinged his voice ever so slightly for some reason.

"Oh nothing really…" he said suspiciously.

"Pewds, you know that since I lost my sight that I'm even better at telling when you're lying, right?" I said teasingly.

"All right, all right, I'll tell you. I should probably tell you before I do it anyways… Well, I'm coming over to America to move there in 2 days! Actually, I was thinking about moving to Florida!" he exclaimed, no longer hiding his happiness. I smiled.

"That's great, Felix! Maybe we'll go to the same school!" I said, my grin growing, all though he couldn't see it from behind my mask. "Hey, do you want to stay at my place until you're completely moved in?" I asked. I knew he was living alone. His parents had tragically died when he was a child. His rich adoptive parents had always let him live alone ever since he was 16, giving him everything he ever wanted. Despite this, he was not spoiled, and I admired him for that. I also lived alone; my mother and little brother Nathan reluctantly let me leave when I was 16 as well. It was good for getting used to having to do everything without my sight.

"-an… Ryan, are you listening?" Felix asked.

"Huh?" I asked, blinking quickly. "Sorry, what did you say?"

"I _said_ that that would be awesome!" he stated. "Hey, do you want to play a game?"

"Sure," I replied. "What do you want to play?"

"Hm… How about _Nightjar_?" he asked. I loved that game. It didn't require sight, just your ears.

We played that game for about 2 hours, switching between the two of us; Felix kept dying in the sewers because he kept being discovered by the alien. I made it about 2 levels above him, and he whined about how the game was obviously discriminate against Swedish gamers. I laughed as I heard his head hit his desk in frustration as he made one last futile attempt to beat the alien. I then heard him stir again as he looked up at me.

"You know, they probably won't let you wear your mask at school," he said. I froze. I had been homeschooled ever since my "accident" and had decided to finally go back to school again. Now I wasn't so sure. "Hey, Ryan… I'm sure we could work something out with them. They'll probably let you wear your mask because of your blindness," he said. This comforted me.

"Yeah… Either way, I need to go to a school anyways. My mother said that she was concerned about me only seeing the teacher and my family and that 'even that was a rare occurrence'," I said, using my hands to make air quotations. Felix laughed, but then got serious.

"Are you sure that you'd be ok with showing your face if it was required?" he asked. I nodded in response, knowing my words would betray me. "Hey, do you want to listen to some music?" he asked.

"Sure, I'd love to! You pick," I replied sincerely. He then put on some dubstep and I listened, taking it in as if it were air and picturing the lights of a rainbow colored sound wave go through my mind. It was especially interesting when the bass dropped and the colors went frantic in my mind, shooting all over the place with the different aspects of the music.

After a short while, probably 30 minutes or so, he turned off the music. "You get so tranquil when you listen to music," he stated, and I detected amusement in his voice.

"Yeah… It's nice to be able to forget about… you know," I said, trailing off. He shifted in his seat, seeming to not know what to say. "Hey, friend, don't be like that; it's all-"

"I wish that I could trade places with you; I wish that it had happened to me instead of you," he said, interrupting me. We were quiet for a moment before I spoke up.

"I've grown used to it," I said quietly, unsurely. "It's become a part of me now; I don't know what life would be like if I regained my sight." I secretly wished I could have my sight back, be able to see Felix again, but I knew that it was impossible.

"Ryan…," Felix started to say, but I cut him off.

"Hey, do you want to stay with me in Florida until you get everything settled at your house?" I said quickly. He stopped for a second, surprised that I had interrupted him.

"I'd love to Ryan," he said after a moment, and I could sense that he was smiling. We continued talking until Felix had to leave to sort out his moving issues. He asked me what school I was going to and my address and I told him. I had enrolled in Falimare Academy. Despite the name, the high school was public, not private. I had heard nice things about it from my mother and moved into its school district area.

The day for Felix's arrival came and I awoke to the same thing I had been waking up to for a good portion of the last 2 years: complete blackness. I sighed, and got up, reaching for my clothes with the tags that stood out so I could tell the inside from the outside. I felt for which part was right side up, and then smelled it to make sure that I had gotten my clothes from the clean pile. They were folded, but one could never be too careful. Once I had assured myself that everything had been acceptable, I put on my clothes and mask and headed out to buy some groceries, making sure to leave a note on the door if Felix came early. This was one of the rare times that I was glad that I lived in a loud and rowdy city; everything was in walking distance. I used my white cane to make sure that I was, in fact, on the sidewalk and not the road. Being hit by a car because I couldn't tell where the sidewalk was wasn't on my bucket list. I arrived at the grocery store where I inhaled the scent of citrus and a small bakery built into the store. I was sure that people were staring at me; after all, I was a blind teenager with a mask and a cane. I wasn't exactly a sight that someone saw every day.

I heard the giggling of girls and the shutter of a camera. I turned towards the noise and they squealed; I was now certain that they had, in fact, taken a picture of me. I despised people like them. Why couldn't they leave people like me alone? I sighed and then went back to my shopping. I grabbed some things that I needed: doughnuts, sodas, energy drinks, frozen pizzas, a few vegetables, and some pasta noodles. Just because my sight was lost didn't mean that my tastes were. I was about to take my things to the counter when I was stopped by a hand on my shoulder. It felt like a male's and it was gripping my shoulder pretty tightly. I then heard the girls again.

"My girl tells me you were messing with her," he said sternly. He didn't sound like the type to be reasonable. Well, I had to at least give it a shot or risk getting beaten half to death because I sure as hell wouldn't be able to get past him.

"No, I don't even know who 'your girl' is. I'm just trying to get my shopping done, so if you don't mind…?" I said. So much for that. He gripped my shoulder even tighter and I could feel it starting to bruise; he was probably a football player.

"You're not going anywhere. Now, let's see what's under that pretty little mask, shall we?" he said and I felt his free hand start to move my hair back as he gripped the edge of my poker face mask and start to pull it back.


	2. Secrets are for Sharing

**Ryan's P.O.V.**

The grip on my shoulder and my mask suddenly ceased and I felt a rumbling sound as if the man had went backwards. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" the guy said.

"Me? What about you? You're picking on a blind man!" another guy said. It was Felix! I smiled and blushed as I thought about how he seemed to be my knight in shining armor. I felt a shifting noise and I assumed it was Felix turning towards me. A hand cupped my mask where my cheek was, confirming that it was, in fact, Felix.

"Are you ok Ryan?" Felix asked. His voice was laced with concern. I patted his hand.

"I'm fine, friend; just a little spooked, that's all," I replied. I felt him turn back to the man that had tried to take off my mask.

"If I ever see you messing with my friend again, I'll fucking castrate you," he hissed through his teeth. I smiled. Felix always cared about me so much, even if it was only as a friend…

We arrived back at my house and I set my groceries down. I was exhausted. I flopped down onto my bed and just breathed. Then the phone rang. "Goddamn it," I said to myself. I felt around for the phone, picked it up, and answered it as I tried not to sound too irritated. "What the fuck do you want?" I asked. Oops. I sighed in relief as it was just an automated message from the school. They had thankfully allowed me to wear my mask to school because of my "condition". I hung up when I heard the complete message and then went back to my bed. Felix chuckled at the sight.

"Tired?" he asked with amusement in his voice.

"You have no idea," I replied. He then got into bed next to me, and I turned to him. "Uh… Felix?

What are you doing?" I asked.

"I have jet lag, bro. I'm tired too," he replied, and with that, he cuddled up next to me and soon I heard soft snoring. He looked adorable. I sighed and ruffled his hair, trying to disperse my wishes, but I only ended up making him look even cuter. Damn it.

**(Two weeks later)**

It was the first day of school, and I was a nervous wreck. A lot of people bumped into me making me lose my footing along with my sense of direction. I could hear people talk about me saying things like: "Who's the guy with the cane?" and "Why is he wearing a mask? Is he a wannabe serial killer?" I was used to hearing these kinds of comments, but they still hurt.

Felix was still living with me, but he had to get some papers sorted out with the high school since he came at the last second. I was glad that I didn't have to go through all of that, despite my… accident. I didn't need "special help" or have to take any classes different from anyone else just because I was blind, which I was thankful for. Suddenly, someone tapped me on the shoulder.

"Um… Hello?" I said while turning around. She was quiet for a moment, and when she began talking, I wish that she had just stayed that way.

"HE-LOOO. ARE YOOOU N-EEEEW?" she asked, annunciating every syllable. Did she think that just because I was blind, that meant I was deaf too? Idiot.

"I can hear and understand you perfectly, you know. Yes, I'm new to this school, and no, I don't need help finding my way around here," I said, agitation clearly showing through my voice. I turned around to walk, but I bumped into something. I muttered a quick sorry under my breath and tried to step around the figure, but it wouldn't let me pass.

"Ryan, bro, it's me, Felix," the figure said. Yep, it was definitely Pewds; no one could mistake that accent.

"Oh hey, friend. What's up?" I asked.

"Just finished my enrollment. Do all American schools give out that much paperwork?" he asked. I chuckled.

"Yeah, friend. Got to make sure that everyone's legal and shit," I said. He laughed.

"Let me see your schedule Ryan; I want to see if we have any classes together," he said and I heard him gasping for breath. I handed the paper I was currently holding out to him. He was silent as he read them, but I heard excitement in his voice as he spoke.

"We ended up having all of our classes together!" he exclaimed happily.

"I wonder if they're trying to group up all of the new kids," I said, thinking aloud.

"Who cares? We'll get to hang out all day!" he said, now giddy. I chuckled at how he acted like a child.

"I hope that you'll be able to lead me to all of my classes until I get used to it," I said while grinning, even though he couldn't see it.

"Of course silly, that's one of the reasons that having all of our classes together is so awesome!" he said while ruffling my hair. I blushed at the action, but my mask saved me yet again. "Hey, let's hurry before we're late," he said while tugging my arm slightly. I chuckled and walked as fast as I could, my cane trailing behind me as we went forward. We arrived at our first class.

"What class is this?" I asked. I heard the door open and we walked inside before he answered.

"English class," he whispered in a voice soft enough that only I could hear. Being blind had its perks sometimes.

"Class these students are Ryan and Felix. Please be kind and help them get around the school if they need help. You two can sit next to each other at the back table," a womanly voice said. She must have been the teacher.

I could practically feel the stares on me, but then again, I could never be 100% sure. It's not like I could check to see if anyone's eyes are on me. Suddenly, I felt something hit my foot and I started to fall. Thankfully, I only stumbled and caught my footing, but the adrenaline rush made me nervous and slightly filled with anxiety. I heard slight snickering and turned my head towards the sound. It was a males; it was probably the student that I assume had tripped me. I felt Felix move from my side to face the voice.

"What the hell, man? Do you think tripping blind people is funny?" he asked, the anger rising quickly in his voice. This was bad. I didn't want to draw any attention to us. It was only the first day!

"No, friend, he didn't trip me. I accidentally tripped myself with my feet," I said, trying to calm Felix down. I felt the tension in his shoulders lessen, but only slightly. Then who I guessed was the teacher spoke.

"Jackson, did you trip him? Be completely honest and your punishment will not be as severe," she said in a stern voice.

"No, I didn't do nothin'," the teenager named Jackson said, a southern accent clear in his speech. No one spoke for a moment, until I spoke up, my voice slightly shaky from my anxiety.

"Uh… W-Why don't Felix and I just go sit down?" I asked nervously. I felt Felix move towards me and lightly grab my arm, leading me to our area.

Class continued on for a while; Felix was very kind in helping me write down sentences and circling things. He didn't tell me I was wrong when I made a mistake, which I was thankful for. I couldn't ever learn if someone else did my work for me. Felix also read sentences to me when they were not available in Braille. Of course, the only things that weren't in Braille were worksheets that were copied that morning. Regardless, I couldn't risk the teacher imputing something with a Braille marker incorrectly and have me be completely thrown off by it.

Soon enough, our first class ended, signaled by the bell. We still had six left: art, Italian, social studies, chemistry, algebra 2, and physical education. I was curious as to how I would take art and P.E. Apparently I was so caught up in my wondering that I didn't notice the person in front of me. I quickly apologized and was shocked to hear snickers from the opposite end of the hallway where Felix and I were walking.

"Uh, Ryan...," Felix started. "That's a trashcan," he whispered, trying to be quiet so as not to embarrass me further. That wasn't exactly possible. I was beet red and I was yet again glad for my mask. I heard background noises of whispers about my blunder, but I didn't pay them much attention. The main thing I was embarrassed about was that Felix saw me. Of all of the people for this to happen in front of, did it have to be Felix?

Felix started ranting to the group around us laughing at me about how they should be more considerate and stop being such "self centered bro-bags". I assumed that "bro-bags" was Felix's form of douche- bag from the context clues, but I wasn't entirely sure… Maybe I should teach Felix some better English swear words so he wouldn't put "bro" in front of everything. It was quite comedic actually; bro-bag, bro-hole, even bro-ner! He called people bros as well. He really seemed to be extroverted, the exact opposite of me. There was no way that he'd ever fall for me.

When we were in our third class, a bell rang. It seemed too early for us to leave, so I just sat for a moment and looked towards the area that Felix was at. He was, thankfully, right next to me, so he spoke only loud enough for me to hear. "Lunch time," he whispered. I nodded, and cautiously got up. I held onto his arm while we walked towards the lunch room, signaled by the smell of sub-par food and the loud chattering of the students. When we finished going through the lunch line, Felix helping me get my desired food on my tray, we headed to a table where I heard quieter chatter. I was grateful for that.

We sat down and everyone introduced themselves. Some of them had strange names, and I assumed that they were only nicknames, but their real names, I wouldn't ask. I did have people call me Cry until later after the accident after all. Their names were Jund, Red, Spoon, and Snake. They seemed nice enough, but Spoon seemed to be flirting with me from his tone of voice. Wait, what was I thinking? He was just being friendly. Maybe my love for Felix was obscuring my view of other people's emotions. I moved my mask up slightly as I began to eat. After a few minutes of us chatting and eating, there was a short silence.

"Hey Ryan," one of them said. I recognized the voice as Spoon. I turned towards his general direction, which was to my right, and smiled lightly.

"Yes, Spoon?" I asked politely. He cupped my chin and tilted my face in a direction that appeared to be more towards his face judging from the projection of his voice. I felt his breath on my face for a short moment, signaling that he was close. I clenched my fist slightly. What was he doing?

"You…," he began, and I could feel him getting closer. My heart was beating faster from the nervousness and I could feel my sightless eyes widening. _Is he going to kiss me?_ _Even in front of everyone? How am I going to reject him? Oh god, he's getting closer._ "You have a little mayonnaise on your face," he finished, and rubbed his thumb on my bottom lip before backing away. I backed away and placed my hand on the spot where his thumb was. I didn't blush or anything, it was just a relief and shock to me that his lips didn't come into contact with mine.

I felt a person to my left roughly get up, toppling his chair over in the process. Was that Felix? The unknown figure grabbed my arm and dragged me away from the table. I heard a few shouts of protest as I bumped into people eating their lunch. As the figure dragged me through the darkness, I thought about everyone that I "saw". I liked to imagine that they had masks on… the mask that I still wear. The image of that poker faced mask staring back at me made it slightly better for me to talk to them. The poker face shielded me from seeing their disapproving and pity-filled looks towards me and my blindness. It also added a little humor to my now dull life.

The person had finally stopped us. We were no longer in a place full of voices and strange scents of food that no one dared to ask what the ingredients were composed of. "Ryan," the voice said, slightly panting. The person was Felix. It wasn't long before he pinned me up against a wall. I whimpered slightly, forgetting for a second that he was my best friend. I was curious as to what he would do. "You need to be more careful around people," he said. I remained quiet to see if he would continue to speak. He did. "You're too trusting. Spoon seems… dangerous, almost. There's something about his attitude and aura that I don't like. I get it if you want to hang out with him. You're your own person after all, and I can't stop you, but…," he paused for a second, trying to phrase his words. I just listened carefully. "Just be careful, ok? You're my best friend. I don't want anything happening to you," he practically whispered. I simply nodded. I heard him sigh and he seemed content. His hands let go of their current placement on my wrists. I felt his head hit the wall behind me as if he was deep in thought. I didn't get to question him though because he lifted his head back up and happily said that he was going to the restroom before running off.

As soon as he left, I quietly sobbed. _All I am to him is a best friend. That's all I'll ever be, isn't it? _My thoughts were abruptly interrupted when someone spoke up from a place that I didn't hear him from before. "I can make you feel better, you know," he said. I looked up at the figure's estimated area and tilted my head.

"How?" I asked curiously. I heard something rustle through his pocket before he threw it to me. "Um, sir? I don't know what this is…" I said, slightly embarrassed.

"There are two things that I handed you," he said, before continuing, "One is a razor blade; the other is cocaine. Use them how you want; the first order is free. If you like them, you can come back to me for more… for a price, that is." With that final statement, I heard footsteps retreat into the darkness. I heard more footsteps come towards me from the distance, and I quickly pocketed the "order".

"Hey Ryan, lunch is almost…," Felix began. He cupped my masked cheek and faced me towards him, which I realized because I felt his warm breath seeping through the space between my mask and my face. It was much more calming that Spoon's, which reeked of disgusting school food. "Why are you trembling? Your hands are shaking and I can feel trembling from beneath your mask," Felix said, concerned. I quickly stood up and got away from him. _I can't let him get close to me; he may notice the newly formed lump in my pocket. I'll have to stash it away when I get home… or just use it when Felix isn't around._

"I'm fine, friend, just a little nervous; I _am _at a new school, after all," I lied, hoping he would buy it. It was easy enough to believe. I hated large groups of people after all. _That's it, just keep lying. _He seemed to understand as he linked my arm with his and we walked to our class; it seemed that lunch was over by now. I held back my newly formed tears as he continued walking with me.

All of our classes were over for the day and Felix and I returned to our apartment. Felix immediately crashed onto his bed, which I had set up for him in the guest room before he arrived. As soon as I heard the soft snoring of his angelic form, I took the objects out of my pocket and felt them with my hands. _Will these really make me feel better? Make the pain go away?_ I looked at Felix and made up my mind. I went to the bathroom and carefully took out the cocaine and the razor blade, making sure not to cut myself.

The cocaine seemed to already be cut up, but I didn't want to separate it with the razor blade. It would have other uses than cocaine to me. Instead, I opted to use my finger to feel and separate the cocaine into even portions. I wasn't sure how much to use, so I only used a small amount. Carefully, I put my nose up to the area where the cocaine was and inhaled. I immediately was overcome with a rush of excitement, but I contained myself so that I wouldn't wake Felix. I felt for the sharp end of the razor blade and, with my newfound confidence, cut my skin. My wrist would be too obvious, I realized, so I did it on my side instead. I did multiple more; I lost count of how many. I didn't care either way. I felt the warm blood on my hand as I touched my self-inflicted wounds. I felt around for the gauze that I kept in my medicine cabinet. I wrapped it around my abdomen area and covered all of my wounds, making sure to not miss any of them.

Eventually, the cocaine wore off and I hid the now bloody razorblade and small amount of cocaine that was left in the bag in a special spot between the underside of the sink and a pipe in the small cabinet beneath the exterior of the sink. It was a place that Felix would never look. It would always be my precious secret.


End file.
